3 Perspectives on Reviews

Ok, I know I’m a broken record on reviews, just like I was a broken record on goal setting a couple of months ago.  Well, right now it’s annual review time at the F50C and a couple of months ago it was goal time.

So here’s the deal: I’ve given three reviews now in the 2007 and 2008 cycles where each employee got a very similar score and very similar mix of you-did-some-stuff-well-and-other-stuff-not-well feedback. I should add that all three got an average score, denoting straightforward, solid work that was not insufficient nor was it out-performance. All three reacted very differently to their very similar reviews and now I share with you my perspective on them:

Person A: Lower pay-grade, newer in career. Very resilient.  Took the review score and feedback for what they were: honest reflections of performance, and tools to use to help them improve in the coming year.  Bummed that the score was not higher but generally understood that their performance was not remarkably different from your average analyst.  Since the review has repeatedly stated commitment to improving, has tried out different tactics and is keeping the feedback front-of-mind.  Performance now is not an overnight switch to perfect but I trust completely that this person is committed to learning from mistakes and to moving from a task-checklist way of working to a more sophisticated leadership style. So far, I’m very impressed.

Person B: middle pay-grade, a bit further on in career. The review gave this person pause, although they held it together and remained very professional during the review meeting.  Their style is one to take input and digest it, consider it, analyze it for a while, so this person took the review information and thought it over. They also sought out a mentor they trusted to get a second point of view.  This was smart, because this person helped reinforce that an average score is not a NEGATIVE score, just average, and that the feedback is useful if the person was willing to use it and take action. The employee then spent the year trying out a variety of tactics and techniques to neutralize weaknesses and push out of their comfort zone, and partnered actively with me to figure out how to leverage their natural strengths to deliver more and to build trust and credibility.  This person in the 2008 cycle got a stellar review score and was also promoted.

Person C: highest pay grade, furthest along in their career, least time at the F50C. FLIPPED OUT.  None of the feedback in the review was new, but the person had a very strong negative reaction, tears, defensiveness, and was all over the place in terms of response — could not stop talking, did not finish points, jumped from point to point to point. Most concerning to me was a serious lack of resilience around the score and message. The person used almost exclusively “always/never” language: They will always get a poor score, they will never improve or be promoted, there is nothing they can do to affect their own situation.  They also used a lot of victim language: they did out perform, just none of their partners, clients or management saw it because it was subtle. External circumstances (the project, the economy, their switch from IT to business) caused the problem.  Lots of absolutist and low locus of control language. Lots of exaggeration around how bad things really are — the sky is falling (e.g. average score = worst score ever, mix of positive and negative feedback = everyone hates them).

What about you? Who are you? I mean really, honestly: are you an A, B or C?

Now I Will Eat My Hat

No one has gotten promoted.

Contrary to my complete knee-jerk reaction, it was all a complete fabrication that I myself fabricated in my crazy old head.  Rather: titles were changed across several positions to bring title, pay grade and bonus status in my pyramid in line with title/pay grade/bonus combinations throughout the rest of the company. This is really good news, as now peer relationships with partners are more symbolically and factually even.

I have to eat my hat now, because I’m not an idiot, I’m not falling behind, I’m not on the slow track.  But because I let my icebergs take over I spent all weekend in a shame spiral, making all kinds of wild assumptions about what a non-promotable loser I was.  Icebergs suck.  They don’t serve me at all.  I am not a non-promotable loser, and there is objective proof to the contrary.  If I had just asked about it (neutrally, gracefully) when I first noticed the new titles, I would have gathered facts, and  facts are not a problem for me.  Crazy mangy headbees are my problem and without facts they swarm.

Please, please, the next time your icebergs pop up, or your hot buttons get pushed, or you receive news to which your first reaction is to be devastated, or your headbees buzz, please remember this incident.  I know I will.  Remember how crazy I went over nothing.  It’s no good for your mojo.  Remember to step back, stop making assumptions, and start gathering objective facts.  Remember that your icebergs don’t serve you.  Remember that your inner critic doesn’t have your best interest at heart.  Save yourself a lot of time and energy. You can mitigate your icebergs.  They don’t have to control how you feel or react. You can learn to be more optimistic.

Remembering this incident, and the fact that I did it publically on my blog, and how very delicious my hat tasted:  this is my new iceberg-melting heat lamp.

Feeling Really Discouraged

So I found out Friday that two colleagues whom I like and admire have been promoted. This is great news and I’m very happy for them.  I am also feeling super discouraged.

Why does this bother me?

Because these two, I thought of them as peers.  Peers who were one management level ahead of me, one title ahead of me. (This isn’t about pay or pay grade for me, it’s about title and the publicness of title.)

So I was behind, right? This is my thinking. If they’re a title level ahead of me, yet my peers, I must be doing something wrong and need to catch up.  They were a yardstick of sorts, because we were more alike than different.  And I did not measure up.

And now they are two title levels ahead of me.

So I feel stuck. Stupid.  Not even stuck: sliding backwards.

But why does this bother me so much?

I have been asking myself this for a year, ever since I read The Resilience Factor and took a class from the author.  I’m not yet 100% sure.  I know I have big hot-buttons, icebergs the book calls them, about:

• Recognition, especially by authority
• Public recognition of success, in this case via my publicly-known title
• An idea that I’ve failed if others succeed at a faster rate than me

Icebergs are those really deep-seated beliefs, the ones that are hard to even make yourself aware of, let alone let go of.  I am not sure where these icebergs came from. Something in childhood, early school perhaps? My parents set high standards, but never unrealistic expectations nor conditional love.

These icebergs do not serve me.  These icebergs directly contribute to my caution in reaching out to take risks with big payoffs (like aggressively positioning myself for promotion) or trying new experiences (it took me a year to decide to start this blog, and six years to decide to go to graduate school).  Of the several types of resilience the authors have identified, I am far less resilient than the norm on reaching out.

Plus, these icebergs make it easy for me to feel embarrassed and ashamed about myself, depressed, and apathetic (“why try”).

So what am I gonna do about it?

Two things.

1. I will work to neutralize icebergs when they get activated. (The book has useful tactics for doing this, but they are new behaviors I have to learn.) I will keep working to consciously make myself aware when an iceberg gets activated, deliberately choose to feel differently instead of giving into the auto-emotional response, and tell myself, “This doesn’t serve you at all, let it go.”

I will also make lists of factual proof contrary to what the icebergs are telling me.  In this case, proof that I am not failing nor unpromotable includes my stellar performance review score and explicit statements from my boss, former boss, and director that I am ready to promote and that they are positioning me for promotion.

2.  I will figure out how to more effectively and aggressively promote my career. Advocating for myself is perhaps my biggest weakness. I’ve long complained that I don’t know how to promote myself, but this isn’t true: via feedback I know I’m a great career coach to my employees and other colleagues.  So I will become a student of this. (I’m the daughter of academics, after all).  I will look for concrete, actionable tactics. I will ask myself what I’d council another to do, and take my advice.  I will seek out blogs & books about career advancement and study them.  And I will ask a couple of trusted colleagues for recommendations on a mentor for this specific topic/skill set.

Oh, and I will blog about it

That’s why I started this thing, yes?  Among other reasons, I just need to lay bare my biggest shame and my biggest blind spot. Ruminate on it, learn from others, hear comments & feedback, think out loud.